B.E. Smith of London, Ont., submitted a story from his navy days: His captain found defaulters pretty monotonous. So, to add some zest to the proceedings, he announced he would dismiss any case with a truly original excuse–the rest might better plead guilty.  One morning, when their carrier was anchored off Kingston, Jamaica, the short patrol gave evidence that one sailor, charged with being drunk on shore, had staggered down the jetty and straight off the deep end. Speaking on his own behalf, he said, “I wasn’t drunk, Sir.”

“You weren’t drunk?” responded the captain.  “How is it, then, that you tried to walk out to the ship?”

“I wasn’t trying to walk, Sir.  I tried to jump.”

“Case dismissed.”